It is American custom to declare war on something when we don’t like it. The War on Drugs, the War on Terror, the War on Poverty, etc. We can’t just fight something, or even disagree with it. We must go to war with it.
So today, I plan on continuing that by going to war myself. Today, I am going to war on my glasses. Glasses, if you are reading this, this is why I have declared war on you:
- You cause glare. Especially while looking at computer screens (8+ hours of my day) or in a high contrast environment (like the movies)
- Your screw keeps coming out, requiring constant maintenance.
- You are always in danger of being knocked off and destroyed during sports, the mosh pit, spontaneous sex, etc.
- You leave those awful red marks on my nose
- You tint instantly to block the sunlight, but take a half hour to adjust back.
- I can not wear sunglasses because of you.
- You scratch too easily, even if you are “scratch resistant”.
You have been helping me see for a long time, but your time is up. Within months, it’s contact time. I’ve had enough. War is declared, and I will win.
I’m back, the fog has lifted. | Conveniently Misplaced says:
[…] Friday i’m getting contacts. As you all know i’m sick of glasses, so I stopped in last Friday since I was in town in time to stop in at the eye doctor before they […]
May 03, 2007, 12:22 pm